I am fixed on you.

Here I am. I made it. I made it to an actual University. Although, CSUMB is quite smaller than the countless numbers of uni's and colleges in California, CSUMB is perfect for me. Of course, I'm a bit overwhelmed and lost on how this whole thing works, phyically exhausted because of the early mornings, a long commutes, and lastly, emotionally exhausted from being in this moment. I have to admit, Im a little teary-eyed at the fact that I made it here. The last four years have been filled with lamenting, discovering, hating, loving, rejoicing in my struggles as a young woman who has failed and conquered. Selfishly, I am so proud of myself that I have trusted my God and my disease to really lead me. I have freely conformed, but have never been defined by invisible pain.

SO, CSUMB, I am terrified how i will manage you. In the meantime, I give praise Him for giving me a drive that shows me Your beauty and the smell ocean and wind that can never be replaced.

Lord, I give you me. I am fixed on you.