Letting go.

I decided last night to give away my paintings. I have about 10 stacked in my room that I stare at or they stare at me. I realized for my own healing that it would be helpful to let them go as if I was letting go that memory, the suffering, that hopelessness, that joy, or happiness. To me each painting takes me to a place, knowing exactly where I was when I painted it or what I felt. To grow, I need to let go. People have asked if they could have a painting and I always say no...But now I am saying YES. I need a transformation. I need them to be burned away. So Im not always reminded of where I was. Where I am. Where I Should BE.

We have been trained in the habit of looking at our dark side, our ugliness, and not at the purifying Sun, Light of Lights, which He is, who changes the dust that we are into pure gold. We think about examining ourselves, yet we do not think, before the examination, during the examination and after the examination, to plunge ourselves, with all our miseries, into the consuming and transforming furnace of His HEART. --Little flower.

Ave Maria.

There are many days lately where I have questioned if a purpose exists or rather, what is my purpose. Question what my passions are and how do I best live them out. JP2, who is a man that is a great inspiration to me said this, " Man is fully alive when he gives himself as a gift." So today, I asked, How do I become fully alive? By giving myself as a gift then I can know my purpose. It really is quite a daunting task for me. To make a Choice. To Choose to be ALIVE. To breathe. To say YES. Let me live as Ave Maria.

January 9th, 2008

Let me live as Ave Maria

Every Day I wake up and sigh. Everyday I choose what path I will take.
Not like a path on a road or a lifestyle, but rather a path inside my thoughts

It is my cross and has become me. It is a secret within my soul that I long to be freed from.
Everyday I will say I am weak. But I choose to think differently.
I'm strong. I'm light. I'm love.

I hate pretending that Im not hurting, grieving, feeling lost, or pretending what makes me truly joyful.

My world, our world is so vast and deep.
Why run away from the greatest gift that allows me and you to be free, free to run?--using the world as a vessel towards you.

I thought you forgot about me.
But you didn't

I have FOUND you in my deepest joyful and sorrowful thoughts.

I exist. I am free. I can move mountains.