Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Snookie and Whores.


What has my life come to...?
After I stuffed myself with slices of awful pizza made from the Parish for super bowl, I come and sit in my bed only to find that watching disgusting reality t.v. shows would comfort my single lonely self. So, what do I do? I obviously grab another disgusting slice of pizza and walk to my room with no plate or napkin in hand. I sit underneath my blankets, open my baby mac, and type www.mtv.com. I find that watching the jersey shore on an evening by myself ACTUALLY boosts my confidence. I mean, who is snookie any way? She is real. She is such an idiot, and instead of feeling bad for myself for being alone on super bowl with no plans, I suddenly feel great about who I am. I begin to feel bad for her. The fact that I am letting pizza crumbs fall into my sheets(eeww) says it all: life is young and I am cool. Thank you JS and the Snooksters.
On another note:
One time, recently, I went out for a night of drinking and mingling. I wear this red hot lipstick. It was a fun night for sure. My dad the next morning thinks its okay to come barging in my dark quiet peaceful room to begin to tell me he wants to let me know that we need to have financial meeting. He looked shell shocked. A. I was annoyed that he came in so early. B. No daughter wants to hear their Father desiring to have a financial meeting. Anyways, An hour or so I woke up went to the bathroom and was shell shocked too. Looked at myself in the mirror. GOOD GOD. Stained lips are the trashiest thing ever. IN ONE night of lipstick wearing, I the next morning, could have easliy been classified as a WHORE. Awesome.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dear Man

In a world of increasing pressures to have sex casually, I have yet to surrender. I was thinking about this pressure and this realization that I am the only one I know here in my friendships that is not sexually active. For a while, actually so far in my 24th year, this has brought me so many insecurities as a woman. Questioning why I haven't as if it defines my woman-ness. I bought into a lie that whispers to me that I would be more of a woman if I had sex. Because that means, I am wanted.

Its a sad realization that this is a pressure that the material world presses on woman though reality T.V. shows, magazines, and the bar scene. I didn't realize how hurt I have been by this pressure and how much it has been in the forefront of my mind that I am nothing because I have never been in love or loved intimately.

I have been emotional in love before, I think. It wasn't good and I thought the only way to fix this is to obviously have sex, but I never went through with it. So, I guess I have never been in love.

I have dated and been physical with guys that I have really liked, but I have never felt the call and challenge through them to be the best woman I could be. I never felt the call to be grow in holiness because a man has never expected that from me. Well, that has changed and if he is only in my life to teach me that lesson then so be it. But I hope it is something more.

Lets call this man. Man.

Dear Man, You make me want to be the best Mary. You make me desire holiness more and you have no idea.

Lord. give me the patience. Thank you for teaching me a lesson that I am valued for my daily attempts at holiness and please put a fire under his ass.
Amen.