Dear Man

In a world of increasing pressures to have sex casually, I have yet to surrender. I was thinking about this pressure and this realization that I am the only one I know here in my friendships that is not sexually active. For a while, actually so far in my 24th year, this has brought me so many insecurities as a woman. Questioning why I haven't as if it defines my woman-ness. I bought into a lie that whispers to me that I would be more of a woman if I had sex. Because that means, I am wanted.

Its a sad realization that this is a pressure that the material world presses on woman though reality T.V. shows, magazines, and the bar scene. I didn't realize how hurt I have been by this pressure and how much it has been in the forefront of my mind that I am nothing because I have never been in love or loved intimately.

I have been emotional in love before, I think. It wasn't good and I thought the only way to fix this is to obviously have sex, but I never went through with it. So, I guess I have never been in love.

I have dated and been physical with guys that I have really liked, but I have never felt the call and challenge through them to be the best woman I could be. I never felt the call to be grow in holiness because a man has never expected that from me. Well, that has changed and if he is only in my life to teach me that lesson then so be it. But I hope it is something more.

Lets call this man. Man.

Dear Man, You make me want to be the best Mary. You make me desire holiness more and you have no idea.

Lord. give me the patience. Thank you for teaching me a lesson that I am valued for my daily attempts at holiness and please put a fire under his ass.
Amen.