No More Apologizing.

Relationships. Never had a serious one.
Never yet even been called a girlfriend before.
Its cool.

No, actually it bothers me. Its probably one of my biggest insecurities and I have a serious fear that I will be alone in life. All those who read this and say, "but your so young" or "you have so much time" that's not fair. It is human nature to want to be desired and have a partner. I feel sometimes that I'm stuck. I'm a girl that has a lot of guy friends, who can sit and enjoy a beer while talking mindless sporting events that I'm somewhat familiar with. I always say, girls, we are crazy. We are emotional, confusing, needy, and complicated. We never say what we want, we beat around the bush expecting the other one to catch on and when they don't, we get mad. I've grown up watching my two older brothers deal with woman, who's emotions and action seemed outrageous. I have noticed that when I end up talking with boys about relationships I'd sarcastically apologize for our odd and crazy behavior because it is ridiculous and silly.
You know, "bitches be crazy."


While driving with my brother John downtown to celebrate his day of birth, he noticed I was being snappy and short with him. He goes, "Mer, whats up?" I told him I was upset about a situation that involves a male. I told him I was frustrated with myself because I am acting like a girl andI don't want to be acting or feeling these "ridiculous and silly" things. Instead, I wanted to suck it up, ignore them like I'm all tough. I told him I couldn't and I realized these "ridiculous and silly" feelings that cause an annoying girlie behavior is just one more beautiful dimension of a life with a woman.

Here's the point of my story:

This is who I will always be and there will be no more apologizing for my/our behavior. Because as frustrating and confusing it is.....it really is a gift. A gift to a man. An opportunity for a man. An invitation. An invitation to come rescue and hold us. Because in the end. We are a team.